About a few weeks ago, I agreed to hang out with a friend. After getting dressed for our hangout, I asked her what time we should meet up. I received no response. From that lack of response, I was to assume that our plans had been cancelled. Right after the casual acknowledgement as to why our plans had been cancelled the next day, she continued to invest in our in text conversation. Unfortunately, it happens in this day in age that a text conversation is more valuable than time spent together. Unbeknownst to me, this is a normal way to go about plans. Sometimes no response means “no”. But what happened to a simple “sorry I can’t do today”? Our generation has created a norm out of things like this. Why? It’s not like in person you blatantly walk away from someone mid convo. Why is all of our communication greatly stressed on how we choose to use our mobile devices?
The truth is, there are several reasons why we are so absorbed in text or other mobile based communication. One of the main reasons is simply that it’s easier. A text conversation is easier than one in person because we control when we want to respond. If we don’t like where something is going we can just drop it. It’s easier to be honest and open when we’re sending our thoughts out to a screen as opposed to saying it to someone’s face. It’s easier to shut off our phones if we’ve had enough of a person for a day without seeing it through. It’s easier to be in our homes or beds than to go out with someone and sit and chat. What’s easy is seeing our own reasoning when it comes to nixing a convo or continuing a convo instead of seeing what that may do to the other person. Do we think about someone reading our long ass texts? Do we think about what goes on in someone else’s head when they know we are ignoring them? We don’t get to see the product. It’s far easier for to us shut the phones off and avoid someone than resolving problems in person. What we are lacking from this contact is basic social skills. I can give you a number of times I’ve “hung out” with someone while they’re constructing half assed sentences to me while simultaneously texting someone else about something else. What do they do when they hang out with that person? Text me? “Hung out” is in quotations because I don’t consider that hanging out. Hanging out is being 100% present with a person. Not texting someone in North Carolina about the latest Pretty Little Liars episode, not checking snapchat stories of a party you aren’t at. For all you know that party might not even be fun. The person posting that story is on their phone. You’re not 100% with a friend because you’re looking at a post from someone that also isn’t 100% with other people. I want to vibe with you in a fully invested conversation. Eye contact is important. Body language is important! Tone of voice is important. The ability to pick up on sarcasm and uncomfortability is so so important. I’m all up for the awkward pauses and moments,that’s a normal part of conversation. That’s learning who you are and your boundaries, space, and aura. That’s apart of being a human! If I appreciate your presence and you appreciate mine that’s all that matters. How opposing is it that you might be mad at someone for ignoring your texts all while you aren’t connecting with those around you. Those text conversations can wait. The majority of the boring snapchat stories you absolutely have to see will still be there in an hour or two. Promise.
To be fair, the stress of mobile conversations is far too gratuitous in friendships and relationships. I once had a friend declare her type of guy is someone that can quickly respond to a text. That’s a horrific thought when you consider the amount of relationships you would miss out on. Perhaps someone doesn’t check their phone often because they have a serious job, an interesting hobby, or sport they’re absorbed in. Maybe they’re spiritual and often connect with nature more than their phone. Maybe they’re a method actor and are currently very involved in the physical transformation they have to make in order to fight a bear in their next movie. (Talking to you Leo…) It might be a learning experience to be with a person that’s not constantly glued to their phone. I’ve seen an alarming amount of relationships put stress on text based communication. Sometimes this is an ending factor to the relationship. To me, that is very sad. If two people can get along so beautifully in person why not keep it that way. Texting and social media never used to be an option or such an obligation in a relationship and sometimes it’s healthier without that strain. However, if you’re choosing to hash out an argument via text, I understand why you choose that, because it’s easier. But I do not respect it. The ways of a conversation would go so differently in person. There are a thousand ways to misread or misinterpret something. If you’re in a heated discussion and you have a thousand things to say, do it in person. If you choose to ignore someone to get your point across, congratulations. You have chosen not only the most efficient way to handle an argument, but you have also chosen the most cowardly way as well. I’d advise you to bite the bullet. You could really be hurting someone. 
Why is it so important? Why choose a conversation over text when in person could be an option? We miss out on experiencing what our words do to other people. It’s far more significant to see what specifically would hurt someone, what might make them laugh. Instead we ship out our inner thoughts to one another in a giant cloud of words and that’s our preference. I’m learning to get used to it, millennials. But if we’re going to embrace this as our regular form of communication, then for heaven’s sake let’s not undermine the laws of basic social skills! Be courteous. Try not to abuse nor neglect your communication in spurts. Be consistent! Follow rules as you would do so in person, maybe shoot out a text that you’re busy at the moment and imply when you won’t be. Maybe tell someone when you have to stop texting or when you have to go to bed. And please, oh please if you make plans with your friend and change your mind or schedule, let them know. 🙂
Annemarie 